I was privileged to bear witness to a wonderful experience this week when the 88-year-old matriarch of my wife’s family moved with one of her daughters into another daughter’s house.
The conjoining of two family sub units wasn’t propelled, thankfully, by economic stress or ill health. The homeowner and her children worked with her sister to finance building an addition onto her home to provide living space for the sister and their mother.
Their planning and a few months of construction ended with three generations living under one roof, and the oldest family member blessed with the opportunity to be surrounded by loved ones.
This familial merger prompted me to query Google, where I discovered that one in five American families have multiple generations living under one roof. This 2016 Pew Research Center finding surprised me, especially when I concluded that the number has probably increased in the last six years.
The last time American multi-generational families living under one roof eclipsed 20 percent was 1950, according to Pew. The number fell to a 12-percent-low point in 1980. Researchers attributed the increase since then in part to growing ethnic and racial diversity in America.
Statistics and studies only have value when contrasted with other studies and findings and the Pew Research findings stand in sharp contrast to Harvard University’s Joint Center of Housing Studies research, concluding that the number of people 80 and older living alone in this country is “set to soar” over the next 20 years.
About 8 million octogenarians and older people now live alone. The Joint Center’s 2020 study concluded that number will more than double by 2038.
What’s stopping those millions of independent old people from moving in with their families? I can answer that question as easily as you can because we all know that economics, frayed or destroyed relationships, and insufficient living space keep multiple generations from living under one roof.
But what if there was a way to tout the advantages of multi-generational living and create ways to house more extended families under one roof?
Three generations of my family lived under our roof for a few years. The arrangement produced its share of conflicts (a polite word for screaming and foot stomping), but the benefits outweighed the irritations.
There were also surprises produced by multi-generational living. Our daughter’s college decision was strongly influenced by my wife’s late father and I learned a lot about myself during the times when he summoned me from a sound sleep at 3 a.m. shouting, “Hello, anybody home?”
Respect for one’s elders seems to be the foundation that multi-generational households are built on. I suspect economics is expanding as a reason to keep young and old under one roof. Older people can shoulder daycare responsibilities, to varying degrees, and younger people can do reverse daycare for their grandparents.
But potential cost savings and shared workloads aside, the fundamental benefit derived from living in a multi-generational home is paradoxically the most intangible one.
If you’re 14 and reeling from your first romantic rebuff, it might be easier to tell your 84-year-old grandmother about it than to bring it up with your mother. If you’re 84 and regret not becoming an architect, it’s easy to sit down with a 14-year-old and tell them, “Always follow your dreams.” And guess what: They might ask you, “How do I do that?”