I read Richard Eramian’s letter (Item, Dec. 13) proposing the introduction of the dubious benefits of privatization in Lynn.
It’s anyone’s guess on how long this will all play out. Nevertheless, I have an idea it might unfold like this:
“Hello, you have reached the Lynn Fire Department. Please stay on the line as your call is very important to us. Currently, all of our representatives are busy assisting clients. Your call will be answered in the order it was received. Meanwhile, please listen carefully as our menu options have changed. If this blaze was caused by careless disposal of smoking materials, please press 1.
If caused by overheating of cooking oils, press 2.
If the fire is the result of malfunctioning heating equipment, press 3.
If you are trapped in the building and wish to be rescued, press 4.
If this is a false alarm press 5.
If you still need to talk to a representative, stay on the line or press 6.”
Or, if you actually reach someone, this is how the conversation might go:
“Hello, Lynn Fire Department, Jake speaking. How may I help you? You’re trapped in the building and wish to be rescued? No problem. We’ll be right along just as soon as the necessary equipment becomes available. Now, will this credit, debit, cash or check?”
Stephen Crabtree
Lynn