Everyone knew Robert J. di Grazia as the former Boston Police Commissioner. But to me, he was my Nonno.
The 6′ 4″, curly-haired Italian man did more than run the Boston Police Department during the tumultuous 1970’s. He created a loving and beautiful family of two sons, five daughters (three of them he adopted after his marriage to the wife he leaves behind), five granddaughters, and eight grandsons. I consider myself honored to call him my grandfather and carry on the di Grazia name with the lessons he instilled in all of us.
“He taught us to be true to yourself, believe in your convictions, and stand up for what is right,” said my father, Robert P. di Grazia, his first-born child.
“Your Nonno was a very hardworking person throughout his whole life and I think he expected all of us to be the same,” said my uncle, Michael M. di Grazia, his second son.
Due to his efforts in desegregating Boston schools and the controversial corruption within the Boston Police Department, there were many news outlets that took it upon themselves to paint my grandfather in a devious light during the late 1970’s. My family and I are here to set the story straight and inform people about the honest, honorable, supportive, caring, and loving man that he was.
“It was never easy with Dad being in the public eye, we had people showing up at our house late at night because he wasn’t just our father, he was the city’s police commissioner and everybody wanted a piece of him,” said my aunt and his oldest-born daughter, Lisa (di Grazia) Pierce. “My sister, Gina, and I were in the public schools during the busing so we had first hand knowledge of exactly what was going on in the schools during that time but he loved what he did, he was good at it, and we were always proud of him.”
My Nonno redirected the phrase “pigs,” which, over the years, has been used to negatively describe police officers, and he made the term his own. Pride, Integrity, Guts, and Service is what he would say aloud when people asked him about the pig lapel that he sported on his jacket while he was on duty.
Even with the negativity that still whirls in the air regarding my Nonno’s democratic efforts, his motto of always staying true to what you believe in resonated with my cousin, Marco, who remains the only one in the family to follow in Nonno’s footsteps with a career in law enforcement.
“The only reason I’m working in law enforcement today is because of his influence on me,” said grandson, Marco di Grazia. “I remember in college, some professors I had in my Criminal Justice classes had extreme respect for Nonno, even brought some of his co-authored books to class and read from them and talked about his influence and overall policies as a commissioner, and it was amazing to be sitting in class hearing about my grandfather.”
Our Nonno was the son of Italian immigrants, and he made sure that heritage carried on into all of our lives. His love of good food and even better wine is embedded in the di Grazia blood, whether we wanted it there or not.
“The only reason why I like good food is because of him,” said my brother and his grandson, Tyler di Grazia, 28, of Lynn. “I remember we were at Legal Seafoods when I was 5 and I was a picky eater, eating chicken fingers I think, and he had me try calamari without telling me what it was and even after he told me it was squid I ended up eating his whole plate and every restaurant we went to together after that, we always shared a plate of calamari.”
In February, my family and I came together to celebrate his 90th birthday at the Blue Coyote, his favorite restaurant in his home of Fort Myers, Fla. Now, we come together to mourn the loss of the patriarch of our tremendously large and passionate family. In the words of one of his daughters, and my Aunt Patti, the di Grazia’s are a very “2018 family.”
“If we could have tied a bow around his life to keep him at his happiest moment, it would have been at the 90th birthday party with our entire family there,” said Patricia Mahoney-Oliver, who, along with her sisters, Lori and Kerry, was adopted by him at a very young age. “It wasn’t easy while he was the commissioner in Maryland after leaving Boston, but he never worried about the popular vote and he was willing to stand alone which is what I will always admire most about him.”
Donna di Grazia is the loving wife of more than 40 years that my Nonno leaves behind and they met during his tenure in Boston. What may have started off as a somewhat scandalous love affair ended up as one of the rarest and greatest loves I have ever known. When they met, my Nonno’s two sons had already started college in Boston so they had to create a home for five young girls, who at the time were strangers to each other, and it was far from easy.
“It was a hilarious intersection of five teenage girls trying to learn how to live with each other and two adults trying to begin their life of love together,” said my Auntie Gina M. di Grazia, the youngest-born daughter, who was lucky enough to gain my Nonno’s passion and skill for writing letters.
After 90 years of a long and beautiful life, my Nonno was preceded by his first wife and my Nana, the late Patricia (Sperry) di Grazia who supported him before he ever became a commissioner, and he is survived by Donna, his later love of 42 years; his brother Roland (CA) and his family; sons Bob and Mike (MA); daughters Lisa (PA) and Gina (CA), and Patti (CA), Lori (CA), and Kerry (D.C.) and their loving partners, husbands, and families. He adored being Nonno to Kaitlin, K.C., Tyler, Melissa, Marco, Matthew, Karlii, Patrick, Chase, Georgia, Peter, and Justin.
I am the youngest grandchild holding the di Grazia name and I understand the legacy behind it, especially while living in Boston. I vow to uphold his love of all things Italian and his lessons of staying honest, working hard, and remaining loyal to yourself and your family. I may have lost my Nonno, but the city of Boston and the rest of the world lost one of the kindest souls ever to have lived.